“I was told I’d be reported when I tried to get help.”
Iliana was around 19 when she tried methamphetamine for the first time.
“I was suffering from severe depression that’s been on and off my whole life, and I tried it with a friend,” explains the now 53-year-old, who has been diagnosed with bipolar and depression.
Never did she imagine it would turn into an addiction, with cycles of drug use linked to traumatic life-events and depressive episodes throughout her life.
Now, having been clean for seven years, Iliana says her journey to recovery was delayed due to fear of being reported to authorities, and the stigma surrounding illicit drug use.
“I did reach out for help earlier, in the first sort of year [of her third cycle of addiction], and I was pretty much stopped from speaking about it,” Iliana, who has four – now adult – children, explains.
“I was told if you continue to disclose, we’re going to have to report you.
“I learnt pretty quickly that this is not something I can talk about. I was afraid at the time, when they said they would have to report me, of losing my children.
“It was a huge barrier to getting the help that I needed.
“It’s actually quite shocking to me that when you’re ready to get help from professionals, someone that could possibly help you, you’re stopped from talking and just openly admitting, ‘hey, I’ve got a problem using ice’.”
Even when Iliana did get support, she kept her methamphetamine use hidden, telling support workers she was addicted to cannabis instead.
“There was a huge stigma attached to ice usage, especially around that time. I felt I was stopped at the gates and treated like a criminal.
“[But] when I said it was cannabis, it was looked at totally different,” she says.
Iliana says her family’s support was instrumental in her recovery.
“I understand, unfortunately, that some people don’t have family for support, and I just can’t imagine how hard that would be for them,” she says.
“Having support from my family and from my kids is probably the most important thing in the world to me. It kept me on track, kept me focused once I’d made the decision that there was not going to be any more relapses.
While Iliana says she will always struggle with her mental health, she says her coping skills are much stronger thanks to Uniting’s Catalyst program, and through natural highs such as spending time with her family, wandering through the city, and getting out to the football and concerts.
“Being around crowds, and being around positive crowds, gives me good positive, happy feeling that I get naturally now – something that I was not able to do before in the past,” she says.
“They’re long-gone years now. I feel like I have control of my life back.”
Learn more about Uniting’s advocacy for harm reduction.
